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Women’s March leaves millions of needy cats starving for attention at home

Oleg Atbashian author image / /   1 Comments

Following yesterday’s Inauguration, half a million American women put on their pink “pussyhats” and marched on Washington, D.C., leaving an estimated 2.5 million starving, meowing cats in their homes completely unattended and deprived of their scheduled mandatory hugs and prolonged belly rubs.

Organized by Planned Parenthood, Council for American-Islamic Relations, the Communist Party, and other progressive movements, American women came to Donald Trump’s doorstep to express their anger, fury, indignation, and outrage over the fact that they can’t name a single right that men have and women don’t.

Another reason to be enraged was, of course, that while they were at the march, toilet seats were being left up in homes all across the country with total impunity.

Everyone’s sentiment was best expressed by the veteran pop icon Madonna, who declared a resounding “F— you!” from the podium to everyone who didn’t attend this rally of unity and love.

Suspecting that someone might not have heard her, this seasoned embodiment of women’s virtues screamed “F— you!” into the microphone once again, apparently hoping that it would be heard as far as the White House, which she said she always wanted to blow up, admitting to having these recurrent and persistent urges for quite some time.

Madonna ended her inspirational speech with a call for love. Quoting poetic words written on the eve of WWII, “We must love one another or die,” she pointed out that love worked very well in that particular scenario, averting what could have been the bloodiest world war in history.

In conclusion, she urged the audience to chant “We choose love.” The chant spread like a battle cry among the women of different ages, colors, body types, sense of fashion, weight to height ratio, ability to shop at Armani Exchange, and sexual self-identification, who gathered in one place today to demand equality. And as they chanted “we choose love,” they pledged that from now on they will get their own way by loving everyone’s head off. And if loving everyone’s guts will not get them what they want, they will come down on them like a ton of love.

Womens_March_Trump_Fingers.jpgThe prejudiced woman-haters among you will probably say that the anti-Trump Women’s March was meaningless because half of the American women had actually voted for Trump. In a hypothetical scenario where all American males voted for Trump’s agenda and all American females voted against it, such a protest might have made sense, you will say.

You may even think that one must have not a smidgen of logic under one’s pink pussyhat in order to whip up the righteous rage required to attend such a protest, whether in America or across the ocean. Especially across the ocean.

You will also say that these women must have forgotten that Trump was the only Republican candidate who refused to condemn Planned Parenthood, for which he had taken a lot of flak from conservatives. And you would be correct! That is exactly what the Planned Parenthood leader, Cecile Richards, did: she wiped her memory clean (like, with a cloth) and spearheaded the assault against Trump in the streets of the nation’s capital, and later also in front of CNN cameras vis-à-vis Anderson Cooper.

The Women’s March against Trump happened simultaneously on all continents except Antarctica – but don’t be surprised if tomorrow CNN will also report a well-attended march of the female penguins demanding greater equality among the penguins.

The anti-penguin bigots among you will say that since all penguins look alike, such a march would be unjustified and it wouldn’t achieve any goals, if any – and in that it would be similar to the Women’s March in Washington and other U.S. cities. And this is where you will be wrong. There is actually a very good reason why these marches are being financed and professionally coordinated around the world.

Arguing the issue is beside the point. The issue is never the issue; the issue is always the revolution.

Penguins Equality Now

Crossposted from The People’s Cube

The Author

Oleg Atbashian

Oleg Atbashian is an author, essayist, satirist, and graphic artist from the former USSR. Born and raised in Ukraine, he grew up believing in Communism and at one time worked…


  • Brad Gillespie

    Let’s face it: there is something ever so soothing about being in a mad throng of thousands of same sex man haters, expressing outrage at something that absolutely no one outside the circle of same sex conformity and (and group thought, come to think of it) could possibly understand. You see a lot of level headed buys nodding their heads and expressing a sense of understanding at this gathering, yet who really understands what it is about, or even cares? This is so blatantly anti trump madness, hidden in an incoherent mass of feminism, from every weird spectrum imaginable, that it’s quite possible nothing else about it was clear. I’m not really sure what makes same sex people waste at least 3 days of their time, causing nausea to those who have to keep watching it, if they watch the news channels, mixing it up with an obnoxious herd of those who are searching for some kind of group identity. These just seems to be some form of extinguishing one’s individuality. And what is it that females lack, other than the fact that they aren’t and can’t be (oh yes they can…forgot!)
    men? The empty chants of how they can do anything, and how they don’t like being un-empowered….I guess,…is that it? — well what are they missing? Other than not being men, what is it they want? Men are falling to the wayside with the army of newly empowered women. They can fight in the newly minted military now due to dumbed down standards, they graduate at a significantly higher rate than men from colleges, can play any sport they want — and would have won the presidential election, had the female running not been a bonafied crook, who regarded normal people as deplorables — and had spent her entire life seeking more and more political power. So here we are, with a male president, who seems to be on his way to actually doing good, solid, credible things for the country, and he has never been in politics, isn’t a government official who should be in jail, and isn’t planning on harming anyone, least of all females….these all seem like pretty good attributes, in stark contrast to those of Hillary.